Weight Unbearable
by HeArTsAnDLeMoNs
Summary: Royai. Drabbled. There's a rebellion in Saramin and it's bloody. Hawkeye is the commander of her troops, but she's pregnant. With Roy's kid. She didn't tell anyone, so she was still tasked to fight in the bloody war. CHAPTER 6 up! STORY COMPLETE!
1. Chapster 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FMA or it's characters. I can't think up of anything witty because it's 4 o' freaking clock in the morning and i haven't slept yet.

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Chapster 1

Hawkeye was sitting by a desk, staring at the strategy she and her team had devised for the war.  
It was another rebellion, and this time, it was the big city of Saramin.

She had been given troops, a month and a half ago, to fight the war. She sighed as she recalled the day she was given this task.

_"1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye" The Brigadier General said. "You will be assigned in this area (points to a map)"_

_Hawkeye was speechless. Can she refuse? no, she can't refuse this. _

_"The uprising war is a serious threat, especially since it's from a city as big and progressive as Saramin. 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc along with 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye will be scheduled to depart 17 hours from now" _

_That was the order. _

_Hawkeye had sighed. 'What can i do?' she asked herself hopelessly. She knew she definitely could not fight in that condition. _

_Should she tell anyone?_

_Hawkeye frowned at this thought. 'Maybe' she thought to herself, 'it's better if i keep it quiet for now, but that will surely come with consequences'_

_Should she tell him?_

_No! Not yet, at least. Hawkeye gave herself a mental slap for eventhinking of such a question. _

_She looked at Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang who didn't return her gaze. She sighed._

_She had to go. She had no other choice. _

_'Whatever problems come along' she thought to herself. 'I'll just have to deal with it'_

Occasional vomiting was only one of Hawkeye's minor problems. By occasional, i mean her colleagues/subordinates rarely saw her vomit since she could hide well, even during a war. This she disguised as the effects of food poisoning or allergies, which her subordinates or colleagues easily bought.

Before, she would hold a gun with confidence, without any doubt whatsoever that the strategy/plan she just formulated would fail. A possibility of missing the target, even just by a centimeter, would never enter her head.

As she had held her gun during that war, she felt diffident, that somehow she might miss and somehow she herself might get injured. And surprisingly, that was the last thing she wanted.

It's not like what she did was wrong, really. She was of an appropriate age to undergo such an experience , she had a stable career and a more than steady income. But that day, not more than two months ago, (more like a month and three weeks), when she saw the pregnancy test she took say positive, she practically lost conciousness, lying there on her bathroom floor. Even now she still felt like what she had done was disgraceful, considering the fact that she was a military officer who prided herself on order and discipline. Despite these feelings of course, she still felt the strong urge to protect herself and her unborn child.

Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang had visited her apartment that one day. She had decided to unwind, and subconciously, drank one too many glasses of wine. Mustang went to clarify some things with her about some of the paperwork which he had given her. Well, that and because he wanted to talk to her about the death of Major Hughes. It's been especially depressing for Roy after his death.

(Note: i **do not** write lemon)

As the night rolled on, they talked and chatted while drinking a good deal of wine, eventually leading to their individual confessions of love. Riza fell had fallen into passionate embrace and was carried away to a blissful turn of events.

It would have been normal for her to reject all emotions her heart was screaming out, but his words kept ringing in her mind, as if her heart so desperately wanted her to open her eyes.

_"Riza". Wow, she thought. The Lieutenant Colonel called her by her first name. _

_They were in the office, it was just one of those regular days. _

_"I haven't seen you with a smile on your face all year"._

_He placed his hands on her face, forcing a smile. Hawkeye gave him a death glare. _

_"See?" he said. "You look so much better"_

_Hawkeye tried to glare some more._

_"I don't understand why you have to hide behind a straight face" Roy Mustang said as he finally let go of her (blushing) cheeks. "It's not a freaking sin to act according to the dictates of your heart"_

Hawkeye had believed that all emotion was useless, but it was still the force that drove life to keep on living.

"It's not a sin to act according to the dicates of your heart..." she repeated in a whisper.

She didn't want to fight, she didn't want to harm the child she carried. But still, if she spoke of it, especially with the Lieutenant Colonel, the words would somehow turn into daggers which would peirce her heart that denied its love for that man.

They were planning an attack. More like a massacre, really. All of Saramin had rebelled against the military and even bombed some of its buildings undetected, causing the death of many.

"Lieutenant" somebody called from behind her.

"Hai?" She didn't even turn around to face the person who was talking to her.

"The troops are getting ready for the attack at dawn" It was Jean Havoc, her colleague.

"Tell them to assemble in front of the camp once their guns are ready" Hawkeye told him. "And don't forget to remind them that they are not to carry anything except their ammunition needed in battle"

"Got it" Havoc answered, still with that toothpick in his mouth. (I honestly do wonder if it's the same toothpick everyday)

Moments of silence

"Hawkeye-dono" Havoc called.

"Nani?"

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you fit enough to fight in battle? you seem to be sick, you might be coming down with a disease. I could call the Major and---"

"No need to, Havoc. I am perfectly fine" Hawkeye said this, even though all she wanted right now was safety. But allowing this would not only mean that she would have to face the higher ups (who could be jackassy by the way) which included Roy Mustang, and that she would be abandoning a war and her troops who needed much of her guidance.

Throughout the entire conversation, she managed to keep a straight face.

"You will be fighting in front of the troops, are you sure that you will be---"

"I told you" She turned back and gave Jean Havoc a glare. "I'm fine"

Havoc seemed startled at this. He leaned back and took a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lighted it. Traces of the smoke reached Hawkeye from where she was sitting.

Without hesitation, she grabbed gun and fired a shot, pinning the cigarette down to the floor.

"2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc" she said with a strict face. "I advise you to stop smoking at a time like this, we cannot afford any distractions in this war"

"H-Hai" Havoc nodded.

Suddenly, a military officer entered. "Lieutenant" he said."the troops have assembled outside the camp already. We are only waiting for your orders"

"Very well, then" Hawkeye told him, and motioned for him to leave. She trailed behing, with Havoc a couple of steps behind, still traumatized by being a millimeter away from death. He knew dam well that Hawkeye could drive a bullet through the very middle of his heart even when she would be blindfolded.

"Shoot and kill them all" Hawkeye told them.

She stood straight, with Havoc right beside her.

"Do not spare anyone. Listen to no plea. When a teammate is injured, offer assistance but make sure that you don't get hit by the opponent while doing so. When you yourself would be injured, leave the battlefield. But if you can still fight, carry on" Riza said this loud and clear.

A good number of the men in these troops were older than Riza, and buffier too. But Hawkeye could make them fall to their knees just by looking them in the eye.

She took her place, getting ready for the massacre. Havoc would be the one to give the signal.

This time, it was her decision to fight, and she cursed herself for it. She kept a straight face even when her soul was trembling in fear. She knew that she shouldn't be there, but she couldn't possibly pull out. She just couldn't.

Havoc discreetly gave the signal and the troops quietly crept into the city of Saramin, greeted by troops of their own. Everybody pulled out their guns and started shooting.

A good number of their men had served as guards, but did not stand outside. They greeted Hawkeye's troops by running outside, firing bullets here and there.

Hawkeye and Havoc, through three spies that they had sent, figured this strategy out and came up with another one to counter theirs. But it was still one helluva bloody battle.

Riza Hawkeye's concern now was how many rebels she could kill. She shot them flawlessly, leading to that person's immediate death. It was all she could think of that moment, 'shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot...'

It was the only way to settle the chaos. The people of Saramin did not like having the military as their government, and showed their aversion towards them by randomly shooting some military officers and by bombing some of their buildings. The Brigadier General sent a group of officers to Saramin to settle things with them, to find out what they want out of this rebellion, but instead these officers were killed upon entry.

She cursed them for that, but as she shot the members of this city, she still felt a pang of guilt building up inside of her.

These people did not have the right to take the lives of other people, even though they were against them. But here she was, shooting mercilessly. Taking away the lives of those who took the lives of others. She could actually feel her emotions set in as she saw the souls of others leave their bodies behind.

Somebody pointed a gun to her face. She shot him. That wasn't hard, but it was painful.

For every bullet she released, she could visualize that same bullet coming back at her. Harming her. Harming her child.

She wanted to stop. She wanted to be safe. She knew the Lieutenant Colonel was safe, she was sure of it. He was assigned to a different location. She didn't have to worry about him, he's a freaking state alchemist for crying out loud. But still, even though she knew that he was safe, she still worried about him. He didn't know about her, what she is carrying with her while facing blood and bullets. She knew he worried about her, and if he knew about the situation she was in she knew that he would worry about her more.

She trembled. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. This has never happened before, but that fact didn't matter to her now.

"Ready" she whispered to herself. "Aim" she corrected her aim. "Fire" she was going to pull the trigger, but she trembled. "Fire, dammit, Fire" she was shaking.

His gun was pointed to her.

It would be easy for her to kill him with one shot, but her heart was aching like never before.

"Pull the trigger, dammit!" she muttered to herself. She was still shaking.

She gasped as she saw the bullet rip through the air, and head straight toward her.

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I'll write chsapter 2 after i get my brain back to normal. (and it's an old habit of mine to put an 's' in "chapter")

I didn't proofread this or write a draft or even read through it after i wrapped it up, but it's like i always say: I accept criticism like a big slice of chocolate cake.

I'm hoping that i'll get Chapter 2 right, at least.


	2. Chsapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Hahaha, I own FMA!!! oh, sue me!! nah, just kidding, but it's nice to escape into your fantasies once in a while, ne?

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Okay, this is Chsapter 2. I'm so sorry for the OOCness

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She could feel the bullet dig through her shoulder, which became a mess of blood and flesh.

'What a pathetic aim' she thought to herself.

She pulled the trigger, shooting the man who had shot her.

"Damn" she muttered to herself. "I got hit"

With one arm clasped on her shoulder, she kept firing the gun, all the while trying to calm herself down. Her knees were starting to get weak, and her aim was getting worse. All she managed to hit with the last two shots was a wall and the ground.

She frowned. There seemed to be a significantly less number of opponents.

Her troops had practically raided every house; every building in that section.

She squinted her eyes, she saw something in the distance. A transmutation effect.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!!" Havoc called, noticing that Hawkeye seemed to be spacing out.

The transmutation effect was seen through a window of a house. It was a regular house, it looked just like the rest.

His dark skin clashed harshly with his yellowish hair.

"Retreat" she told Havoc, though it seemed like a whisper.

"N-nani?"

"RETREAT!!" she screamed, unconciously pointing her gun at him.

"B-but, what do you mean by---"

"I said, retreat, dammit" Hawkeye hissed. "Go back to the camp and call for back up"

"Hawkeye - dono, there are less opponents, that means we're winning"

"That thing" Hawkeye pointed to that house wherein she saw the transmutation effect. "Is gonna blow up". Some of her men were still in that house.

"This entire section is going to blow up, they're heading northward since their men over there are losing" Hawkeye theorized, but she was sure it was true.

The northern part of Saramin was where the poorer ones stayed; and according to their spies, only the people of that certain area will be the ones to fight in that area, and that the people in the northern part of Saramin seemed weaker than the rest.

"Not many can be seen ahead, there should be an underground passage" Havoc commented, still chewing on that toothpick of his.

"Not for long" Hawkeye frowned. That would be demolished along with everything else in this section.

"Hurry up, Havoc!" she ordered. "Retreat and call for back up, then wait until i give you further instructions" (note, the commanders did have those headphones on)

"Hai!"

Hawkeye began to run in that house wherein she saw the transmutation effect. It wasn't hard for her to find the underground passage, the door to it was left open. She knew it was left open intentionally. They only had a few more seconds to run.

"L-Lieutenant!" the officers who were searching the house instinctively followed her.

"If you're going to come running with me, at least be fast!" she told them. They were trailing behind her as she ran down the wooden staircase they had built.

There was only one passageway. Hawkeye could actually hear the concrete falling appart behind her, and the explosions from above. She had to keep going, she had to follow them. She had to locate their specific location. The specific location of their leader.

She could hear the screeches of the men who had followed her; some of them were caught by the falling concrete. She didn't have time to look back

Light. She saw light up ahead.

"Hurry up" she ordered to the few men left trailing behind her.

"H-hai" was the answer, accompanied by panting and gasping.

Hawkeye looked closely at the distance. She could see the light spillling out from the corners of the metal door.

She stopped running and gasped. The metal door was locked. No way was it left open. She couldn't open it, not by breaking it down or by shooting it.

"L-Lieutenant Hawkeye-dono" one of the men gasped.

Hawkeye froze; the entire passageway was going to collapse over them.

-------

Right outside the door, he stood there. A man of vile intentions, with a soul poisoned by greed and hate. He was known as Denzerou Muri. (Or in Jap style, Muri Denzerou. it's a random name i picked up) There was a flicker in his yellow eyes when he smiled.

"Gomen ne" he was smiling as he visualized whoever from the military who was trying to follow them get crushed a thousand pounds of concrete. "But i don't want to be caught just yet"

His dark skin clashed well with his dark brown hair. He snickered at the inanity of the military officers to follow them unarmed. He lighted a cigarette and sighed as he heard the concrete fall and faint yelps through the heavy metal door.

A transmutation effect.

"What the--" he gasped. There was a transmutation effect. The heavy metal door had a crack in the middle of it, and that slowly started to spread until the door broke.

The last part of the passageway stood fine; the concrete had obviously fallen but was immediately repaired...by Alchemy.

Riza Hawkeye knelt on the floor, blood dripping from her forehead. A great deal of her energy was drained. She was coughing out blood. She she stared at the two transmutation circles she quickly drew on two pillars with her blood.

Since her father passed away, she had sworn to her soul that she would never use Alchemy again.She never even came close to being half as good as her father, anyway.

She wasn't good enough, and she hated herself for that.

She wasn't even good enough to save her subordinates.

The falling concrete though, was the main cause on why the door had cracked and was now broken.

"An A-alchemist?" Denzerou was shocked.

She coughed out more blood on the floor.

'Shit' she thought. Her eyes were wide in fear. The three remaining men who had followed her had been crushed nad were most probably dead. She was gasping for breath.

This was followed by loud laughter.

"1st Lieutant Riza Hawkeye, daughter of an alchemist great, who would have known that she had bothered to learn something as complex as alchemy?" he said in an almost taunting manner.

"Saramin, 23rd sector, Shiouin Street" she muttered the herself, hopefully praying that the microphone still worked. Probability is that it was crushed.

The Denzerou guy looked behind him. "Oh?" he asked. "You were able to identify a place just by looking at one landmark?"

Hawkeye didn't answer him. She was still kneeling, with her eyes staring straight down to the floor.

"Something as complex as alchemy" she coughed, looking up to him. "Should not be used in such a wasteful manner"

"How is it wasteful, then?" he asked, with a little smile on his face

"All this chaos" she coughed "All these lives gone, what good does it bring you?"

"Every life lost," he answered her, almost immediately. "Is a symbol of my desire to avenge my sister, who was raped and then killed by some military officers. I complained and sued, but ended up going to jail"

"But that doesn't give you the right to kill these people" she hissed, despite the fact that she could see him pointing his gun at her.

'Move' she ordered herself. Her gun was in her hand. 'Shoot him' she ordered herself. 'Shoot him, now!'.

"Do you think i care about that?" he laughed. "My sister was raped, and she complained. Instead of at least being given compensation, she was murdered. It was obviously a murder, but the investigators insisted that it was purely an accident"

'Pick up the damn gun!' Hawkeye was practically screaming inside, but her heart refused to follow.

"And you choose to take this out on the entire military government, without even talking to the officers sent here, the ones who tried to settle this rebellion" Even her voice was trailing off.

She grasped her gun and gave a little smile. Her troops were coming. Somehow, she could feel it.

She pushed herself up, trying to stand.

"I told you, i don't care about that" he said. "She was given a horrible death, and nothing else can reverse that. If i don't avenge her, i'll never be able to look her in the eye"

Hawkeye grasped her gun. "You don't need to. She'll be in heaven, you'll be in hell"

Hawkeye narrowed her eyes, shunning out all the tingling pain and corrected her aim. This was good, they were loosing. She could hear her troops outside. They should be coming in any minute now.

Denzerou gave a small smile.

He was still smiling?

'1' Hawkeye breathed to herself. '2'. It was better if she counted down. 'th---'

"I didn't mention it," he said. "But when nee-san died, she was pregnant"

Truth and Shock blinded Hawkeye, numbifying all her movements. Everything seemed to be in a blur. Her Emotions were out of control now.

The last thing she could remember was the pain of the three bullets which hit her; two hitting her chest, one on her stomach.

She didn't think. She didn't dare think. Her heart froze.

She fell to the ground, trembling in both pain and fear.

She failed to protect. She failed.

"L-Lieutenant Hawkeye - dono!" a subordinate exclaimed after he and some other people appeared by the door.

"Freeze" a tall, dark haired man appeared by the door. "Put down your gun". He was threatening to set the entire city ablaze.

Denzerou looked behind him, seeing the man's hard expression.

"Gomen ne, nee-san" he sighed. "But i had to do it for you". Denzerou took his gone and pressed the cold metal against his head, pulling the trigger a second after.

Hawkeye layed there on the floor, seeing Denzerou's lifeless body on the ground, covered in blood.

Slowly, Hawkeye raised a hand and placed it on her stomach, feeling the blood and the wounds.

'What did i do?' she asked herself, shaking with pain. 'What did i do? I was too selfish, too selfish'

She could hear her subordinates in a state of chaos, but that didn't matter to her at that moment. Her eyes were slowly closing, leaving the situation behind.

"1st Lieutenant Hawkeye!" she recognized his voice. There was no mistaking Colonel Mustang's voice.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"Lietuenant Hawkeye!!"

"Riza..."

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Okay that was Chsapter 2 down.

I'll be putting in Chaptser 3 in a while.

I'm too lazy to read through it, so i'm not sure how it turned out.

Please place in reviews.


	3. Chaptser 3

finally found the word!!! the word i've been looking for!! "soldier" !!

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Chaptser 3

"Riza..."

He stood there, staring at her. She was lying there, by a pool of blood, her hair a mess. A few soldiers were pulling out those who were squished underneath the heavy cement, taking desperate measures in trying to save their lives.

"H-Hawkeye - dono!" Jean Havoc gasped, the moment he located the other end of the passageway.

He ran towards the unconcious officer, but before he could even touch her Colonel Mustang interrupted him.

"Havoc"

"Colonel?"

"It's better if you leave her be. Moving her might cause more damage. Wait for the first aid group, in the mean time it's best if you don't move her" he said, without even looking at either of them.

"H-Hai" he nodded and stepped back.

Roy took one more glance at Hawkeye before leaving the area and into the battlefield.

Havoc couldn't help wonder if there was something between them.

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_"That's what's wrong with you. You're too secretive" he was stroking her hair while she kept her eyes to her paperwork._

_She was sitting there in the office; in front of her was her desk. Her Colonel had been chatting about some things. He was now sitting on her desk. _

_She slowly raised her eyes to meet his. She pushed his hand away._

_"Quite a pressumption that is, Colonel" she said sternly. "I am assuming that you still have paperwork to do, so i suggest that you better use your time wisely"_

_Colonel Mustang sighed and stood up, walking over to his desk. "Paperwork, Paperwork, and on such a beautiful day, too" he said, while taking a look outside before sitting down. "How tiring"._

_Moments of somewhat awkward silence. _

_"These files are finished, Colonel" Hawkeye stood up, picking them up._

_"Already?" Roy yawned. _

_"I arranged them alphabetically and then according to date. Everything is finished. All you have to do is read and sign" Hawkeye placed them on his desk, shoving them to his chest. She was getting a little irritated with his recklessness. _

_"How very impressive" Roy gave a little snicker. "And to think i just handed these over to you this morning"_

_"That, Colonel, is because i spent the last five hours actually doing **something**"_

_"Ne, Hawkeye, why do you have to make it so perfect?"_

_"Is there a problem with it?"_

_"Nah, nah. But it wouldn't hurt to make a mistake once in a while"_

_"If there is no problem with it, i see no reason to discuss over such a thing"_

_Roy gave a little smirk and placed his hand on her chin. "I wonder" he said. "If I could one day see all those emotions, all those feelings, which you keep masked behind that straight face"_

_Hawkeye gave him a little stare, _

_She sighed and once again, pushed his hand away. "Your paperwork, Colonel" she reminded him before walking back to her desk._

'You scare me, Colonel Mustang'. She sat there, in a place where she usually isolated herself. She sat in that place with all her thoughts and memories. It was a place where she kept all her emotions, countering them with very logical and scientific reasoning, making them slowly dissappear.

However, she never found any logical reasoning on why her heart beat races everytime he looks her in the eye.

It was a dark place. A place that only she knew of.

She was still unconcious. She stayed in the comforting arms her mind offered her.

She sighed.

"Okasan" was the faint whisper she heard.

She frowned. "Okasan" she repeated. "Okasan". It didn't suit her. She wasn't good enough to be a mother. She risked her child's life and at 3 months of giving it such a small amount of love and care, she might have killed it.

She saw a ball of mist float above her, seemingly resembling all her mixed emotions.

She marveled at it. 'I was given a blessing' she murmured, 'but i was being selfish'

She raised her hand and touched the glowing ball, and it immediately shattered.

She gasped. Reality struck her. Kneeling down, she opened her fists and stared at her bloodstained hands. A scream came out of her, followed by rapidly flowing tears.

"I'm sorry" she said.

In this place of darkness where she conceals the shouts and desperate cries of her heart, she moans.

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Roy was getting bandaged by a nurse (who fell head over heels in love with the dashing man).

"How is that, Colonel Roy Mustang?" she asked sweetly.

"Arigato, Rena" he said. "It's fine"

'aaaaah' The young nurse hugged herself when Roy left.

"Colonel, are you okay?" Jean Havoc asked when Roy stepped out of the room.

"Hai" he answered.

"Great. The General said you will be reassigned to the camp by the 15th sector. You will depart tomorrow"

Roy sighed. "And to think i just got my injuries healed. And how about you, are you well enough to fight again?" Roy asked him.

Havoc looked at his bandaged hands. "The General said i will be returning to the camp tomorrow, I'm still assigned to the northern part of Saramin"

Kain took a good look at the both of them and sighed after seeing all their injuries. "I'm glad i'm only assigned to office work".

"Has Major Armstrong returned to the battlefield?" Roy asked them.

"Hai" Havoc answered. "He was shipped there this morning. Saramin seems to be even more pissed since their leader died"

"How foolish" Roy sighed. "Are they not aware that their leader commited a suicide?"

"They most probably doubt that" Havoc shrugged. "They doubt anything the military says"

Roy gave a small smile.

"Saramin is a troublesome lot" Roy commented. "Dropping bombs here and there, shooting random officers, and such a big group they are, too"

"A stubborn one as well" Havoc yawned. "Wouldn't even listen to a second freaking opinion, and it's painful on both sides" he said as he stared at his burnt arms, now freshly bandaged.

"Ne, imagine what a rough time Lieutenant Hawkeye-dono must be having. Even if she's still unconcious since she was taken from the passageway by the 23rd Sector in Shiouin Street" Kain looked at the room wherein Hawkeye was placed in, where several nurses and doctors are still crowded over her, trying to save her.

"I heard she took 3 shots" Havoc said. "One hit her stomach. Poor girl, the emotional pain must be killing her faster than the physical pain"

"I doubt that" Roy said. "Riza Hawkeye is possibly the best sharpshooter in military history, since she was given the title of Major she was tasked to command every war that was aroused. I doubt that three shots; two on the chest and one on the stomach--- could hurt her much"

Havoc and Kain looked at him with rather confused looks.

"Eh, you didn't hear?" Kain asked.

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Hear what?"

"So the news didn't reach you yet. She never told anyone, though" Kain sighed, pushing his glasses up. "I'm not very surprised, they only verified it a moment ago"

Roy grabbed his collar and looked him in the eye, one hand threatening to reduce him to ashes. "What was only verified a moment ago?"

"Ehh" Kain stuttered. "She carried a child for three months already; She already had it before she was tasked to fight Saramin. Lieutenant Hawkeye was pregnant"

Roy released a relieved Kain and stepped back. "Was?"

"It's like i said" Havoc said, feeling horrible for his superior who, he was sure of it now, felt something for the 1st Lieutenant. "She took 3 shots; one hit her stomach"

It took a while for this to sink it for Roy Mustang. He just stared blankly at space until finally, with a straight emotionless face, he spoke. "I see". With that, he walked over to the door wherein Hawkeye was currently being nursed.

Kain and Havoc stared at him as he looked through the glass door.

"Hold on" he said in a faint, barely audible whisper. "Riza..." Calling her with a name he rarely used, he left the base, sending her a string of hope which she very much needed.

Struggling with her will to live, she heard his words through the beating of her heart.

"Hold on, Riza..."

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Okay, that was Chaptser 3. Please send in your reviews.

I'll be uploading Cshapter 4 soon.

I'm not sured if i kept them in character, though.

Oh, and like i always say, i accept criticism like a big slice of chocolate cake.

oh yeah, just so you know, i'm making their kid live.

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	4. Chaptesr 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own FMA or it's characters and i can only wish i did. But if any of you know the writers of the mangga or anything, please do tell them that it's almost my birthday

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**Chaptesr 4**

The people of Saramin had plans which could be considered absurd by a few, but they are ones that should not be underestimated.

The people of this city greatly contributed to the technological advancement of their society with their knowledge of science and alchemy which were of great help to the government and the people.

Their different strategies and strong will enabled them to defeat a good number of military soldiers, slowly inching their way to victory and freedom.

The number of losses encountered was only considered as another reason why that particular side should defeat the opponent. "To avenge their lives" as they say.

In Colonel Mustang's case, it was to "End this inanity". He only thought of Saramin's plans as foolish. A secluded life, one that is completely free of the government? Give me a break.

"All the lives that were lost, all the injuries, all the pain, this war is a nuisance" he sighed before once again rubbing his fingers together to create a great flame which engulfed the entire battlefield.

His soul burned with the intent of killing; these people were no other than disgruntled miscreants with hearts controlled by Greed and Hate. Lives should not have to wither because of their foolishness.

He didn't listen to their pleas. He took no pity on the Saramin soldiers who looked him in the eye as if begging for mercy, when they were only an inch away from falling off the cliff, down to the dark abyss of death.

"What pathetic pride" he would say to these such soldiers, and ruthlessly push them off--- away from sweet life.

All it took was a snap of his fingers for him to burn their courage and resolve to ashes, followed by a glare and his cold voice with clear traces of hate, "Burn in hell you worthless life form".

_Equivalent Trade. _'Yeah right' he snickered. No lives in the world could be of equivalent value to the lives stripped away from him. But it was compensation enough.

-----------------

"Hold on..."

She opened her eyes to see a quiet and tidy room. The atmosphere was so peaceful. Much different from the last scene her eyes had seen.

She slowly sat up and blinked, her blonde locks a mess around her shoulders.

By her side was a table full of flowers, get - well cards and fruit baskets. She picked up a get well card and opened it.

'That's right'. She sighed as the dreadful memories flooded back. The calmness around her seemed to fade away.

"L-Lieutenant Hawkeye?" A nurse, about thirty, came in.

Hawkeye looked up to see her carrying a tray full of medical thingies.

She made her way to the table beside hawkeye's bed and placed the tray there, picking up a stethoscope and checking her heartbeat.

"It's about time you woke up as well" The nurse smiled sweetly. "It's been two weeks"

"Two weeks?" Hawkeye asked unbelievingly, holding a glass of water in her hand.

"Since your surgery"

"Surgery?"

"Yes, It's amazing how you and your child got through. Somebody out there must love you a lot, feeding you all the hope you need to strengthen your will to live" she said in a soft voice while taking her temperature.

"Me..._and my child_...got through?" She stared at her, practically frozen.

"It was a miracle, really. How that bullet didn't even affect its health"

Hawkeye was speechless.

"Well" the nurse said after checking the thermometer, "It seems that you're doing fine"

Hawkeye kept a straight face and took a sip of water.

"If you need anything, you can always call us ---- the nurse's station is only a couple of rooms away"

Riza didn't care much about responding. She stared at the remaining water left in her glass, listening to the nurse's footsteps as she left the room.

A while later, Kain Fuery, her colleague, opened the door, seeming shocked to find Hawkeye awake already.

"H-hawkeye - dono, you're awake already?"

"It seems so..."

Fuery took a seat beside her hospital bed.

"Are you okay, Lieutenant?"

"I guess" Riza shrugged. "But you wouldn't be calling me with that title for a while. Conceiving is against the laws of the military"

"I don't think so, your loyalty and skills should be enough to get the Colonel --- or anyone else for that matter, to debate against that law"

"I doubt that a debate against that law would even get the Fuhrer to budge"

"Colonel Mustang is a highly respected official"

"It's how he gets his dates, alright..."

"He served the military loyally for several years, and i'm sure a lot of high officials will go against this rule.Your grandfather himself is a general, And besides, you yourself is a much respected Lieutenant"

"Being a military officer is a demanding career. A woman with a child will not be able to fulfill her duties"

"I'm sure they can give you a temporary leave"

Hawkeye sighed and leaned back. She did not feel like talking about this right now.

No matter how many points Fuery could come up with, there was no way that the law would be abolished.

With the Fuhrer, Kain's reasoning was only absurd.

"How is the rebellion in Saramin?" Hawkeye kept a straight face, not showing a single trace of any emotion.

"The people are angrier, as it seems, and they refuse to believe that their leader committed a suicide. They, rather, say that it is another one of the military's 'cover up stories' ".

"Yes, and i'm certain that later on i'll be brought in for interrogation about what happened in that passageway. All i found out was their leader's name and sob story, nothing more. My words, of course, will be doubted by the higher ups"

"An interrogation? and you just woke up" Fuery pointed out.

"It's as i had stated earlier, Being a military officer is a demanding career. Despite your reasoning, there is no possible way that i will be permitted to remain in the military. It doesn't matter anyway, i've had thoughts of leaving for several years"

"Thoughts of leaving?"

"I found no other reason to remain"

"So...why _did _you stay?"

"Because..." she sighed, gazing out the window. "It was for someone..."

-----------------

The sun was setting and a lot of the soldiers in the northern part of Saramin have retreated to their camps. It seems that a good number of back up was sent for the people of Saramin, and so far their strategies had countered that of the military's.

Colonel Mustang was sitting on the floor, leaning on the wall.  
The soldiers were preparing for their next attack.

"Havoc" he called, seeing his subordinate command his troops.

"Hai, Colonel Mustang" he answered with that cigarrette in his mouth.

"You were commanding the same troops with Lieutenant Hawkeye, correct?"

"Yeah" he answered, holding the cigarette between his fingers.

"You knew that you were obligated to report her then state"

"S-sir?"

For the oddest reasons, Colonel Mustang had a little smirk on his face as if saying 'Haha, i read through you'

"You knew that she was pregnant"

"W-Well" Havoc stuttered, "I merely guessed, Colonel. I wasn't sure". He was hoping that this would save him from being reduced to ashes.

"You do realize that this moment, her health as well as her child's health is on the line?"

"I couldn't do anything at that moment in particular, sir"

He could imagine Hawkeye pointing her gun to his face for even raising such a question.

Colonel Mustang sighed. "Just hope that we could actually live to see her point that pistol to a one month old child, This rebellion is certainly getting interesting"

Havoc had been a close friend of Riza's for several years, and even with that calm and reserved mask she never forgets to wear each day, he could feel her tingling pain of loving a person who didn't love her back.

To offer your heart to a person who looks at you as no more than a subordinate hurt more than the bullets she flawlessly pushed through her opponent's flesh.

He looked at Colonel Mustang who was practically covered in bandages -- practically half of his body burnt. If he hadn't yelled at him to return to the camp, he would have been lying dead on the ground of Saramin.

The rebellion certainly_ was_ getting interesting.

-----------------------------------------------

Okay, that was Cshapter 4.

It's 4 in the freaking morning and i only had 2 dinners. sigh

I'm too tired to re read what i wrote so please bear with me.

oh yeah, review please!! come on, it doesn't take long, does it?


	5. Cshapter 5

Oh wow, i reached 5 chapters. My attention span is progressing!! (It's in serious pain, though)

And as you readers probably sensed in the previous chapters, i still have no idea on what the hell i'm doing. So i'm trying to fix things up this chap, although it's 2 AM already. (sighs). It's almost Jan 1 and i haven't even finished reading 1 chapter of my History book. Classes resume on Jan 3. (sighs). School is so tiring.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway... back to the fic

--------------------------------

**Cshapter 5**

Even though she grew up not showing much interest in Alchemy, she knew more than most of her father's students, who died a great and noble alchemist.

She read his books and practiced alchemy; many days of her childhood being spent in the library or in her room.

She took the test in becoming a state alchemist, and failed.

She miserably failed.

In her perspective, she brought nothing but shame to her father's grave, so she swore to never use it again.

When her father died, when she failed the state alchemist test, when she killed her first person, when she was a soldier in the war of Ishbal, she kept a straight face without any trace of any emotion whatsoever.

He, however, was her superior, guiding her to the right paths and giving her someone to lean on.

A sound of a gun's safety coming off was all it took for anyone to fear her, but when taken that weapon away, she was none more but a vulnerable soul who, although not even speaking a word of it, only wanted a share of that love in the world.

When she was distraught and in pain, it was easy for him to see through that thick mask she painst on her face with a dull gray --- cold, hard and emotionless. All it took was a touch to melt her heart which was frozen with the sweet taste of denial.

All he had to do was look her in the eyes and smile, and she knew that she still hand someone to lean on. He would take her hand without her having to say anything, and that was all it took.

The morning she woke up, finding him in herbed, she gripped the sheets, desperately hoping it was a dream. She always remembered that whenever she would look at him and he would look at her, she would gaze into his eyes and be swept away. A few seconds later, of course, reality would ring back in. She had accepted the fact years ago that he was her superior, and she was her subordinate, nothing more, nothing less. But she was contented with that fact and clung to it like it was her only reason left in living.

That night, they had talked about Maes Hughes, stories of his and eventually, their pastimes.

Roy, with a little too much wine to drink, stood up, touched Hawkeye's cheek and looked her in the eyes before sighing. "I'd like to see that pretty face of yours without that mask" he said before sitting back down.

That night was a confession of all emotions, Hawkeye had talked about how she remained in the military to protect him.

The following days after that had been somewhat awkard for Hawkeye, she felt somewhat afraid of seeing the Colonel again and if anything else might happen after that, but nothing had changed after that night. The both of them had acted as if nothing had happened, both on duty and off duty. (Of course they very rarely spent time with each other off duty)

"I love you"

She had said these words to him, pouring all emotion out of her lips.

The three words she had always wanted to hear rang in her head --- although she was considerably drunk that night, she remembered every detail of it.

She had lied down on the bed, and whispered these words to what seemed like the stillness of the dawn.

These three words were what made that night so special, but it seemed so distinct that it only lingered in her mind without even having reached the borders of her heart.

All the other emotions which she had turned down for so long froze her heart with several layers of ice.

She thought she had finally killed them; those emotions she only regarded as useless and absurd. She thought that after years of neglecting them, they had finally dissappeared.

She was very incorrect. All these emotions peirced her heart with every unshed tear she kept welled up inside.

She patted her stomach and said to herself, "I hope you're okay there". A simple exchange between mother and unborn child.

She picked up the gun she kept on the table beside the hospital bed and looked at it's details through the moonlight -- they seemed so sharp and smooth.

It was the gun she used to protect -- a mere tool which proved useless as time passed. She placed it beside the heart monitor. The nurses had assured her that she was doing fine each day, Her temperature was okay and her blood pressure was fine, but was she really?

"Don't say that!" Kain Fuery had told her earlier that day when she brought it up, but that question was inevitable, wasn't it?

It's been 2 months but she was still confined to her hospital bed. It certainly was a miracle that she and her child...or children, as Fuery insisted, made it through, but right now, she was still struggling to be alive. All she wanted was for them to be born and to lead a happy life.

She had no worries about their future finances --- the father was a state alchemist for crying out loud. And one of such a high rank as well. She only worried if that child would even _have_ a father --- or a mother even. At this moment she knew that she could do nothing but believe in Colonel Mustang's victory against Saramin. To feed him the exact same love and hope needed for him to strengthen his will.

She sighed. Ever since she was given the task of commanding troops in Saramin, she hadn't spoken to the Colonel. Not even once.

"And i thought you would be the first person i saw when i woke up" she sighed to herself. She thought of it as a silly dream, but her heart nevertheless clung to it.

"Roy" she whispered, while staring out the window. "Keep going"

------------------------

The buildings were all practically demolished.

The military soldiers left standing were bleeding, moving out of the area, while the first aid group took care of those lying on the ground, who were either dead or only a few minutes to death.

It wasn't easy for him to end the rebellion with his last attack.

It wasn't easy for him to bring forth that great a flame.

It wasn't easy for him to take those four shots on his back, either.

He fell to the ground with his palms holding him up.

"Arigatou" he coughed, closing his eyes. "You stayed with me throughout all this, didn't you? Arigatou..."

He coughed out blood.

All he wanted to do now was to return and see her. To see once again see that smile he rarely saw, and perhaps see his child too.

He was horribly injured, but knowing her previous situation, was probably much closer to withering away than he was, but still he could feel her sending all the love and hope to him.

He always thought of her as tough ---- nothing in the world could even make her budge. But that night, he saw through her eyes the many paints she uses to mask the shouts of her heart.

He seemed to be bleeding to death, and the pain of his wounds tingled throughout his body, but all he could care about at that moment was if she ate her vegetables for dinner.

-----------------------------------

Yeah, i know, crappy ending, but i have to wrap things up.

And yeah, i did make him figure out that the kid was his. Has something to do with Chap 6.

I'm ending the story by Chap 6, and i've constructed a somewhat vague outline of what it will be.

Throughout the story i've been greeted by mental blocks and the fury of my extremely short attention span, so that's why i tend to slip off track.

I'd love to proofread this, but i've uncovered a 20 chapter fanfic earlier which i just have to finish, so please bear with me.

I know there isn't much in this Chapter, but i had to post it coz i'm running out of time. School will soon be starting (dun dun dun...).

and oh yeah, kme- chan, i tried to do more emo than usual but this is my emo limit. and shineh-sama, one word about this drama - ish fic to zel and the guys and your ass is screwed. i can't go YM or mobile so i left this message here.

and yeah, i had to repost this coz of this message for one of my reviews:

lili:It's such a sad story. I am sorry you end it so quickly too. It has a great potential for a longer story. So many questions need answers...so I guess you kill Roy...that would simplify it, wouldn't it...TT

Me: well actually, i don't kill roy. He's too cool to die :D. I actually DID have plans for this thing, i drafted an (extremely rough) outline in my mind when I wrote chapter 2 (which explains the Denzerou guy). Chap 1 was out of boredom,which explains cliffhanger. School is approaching QUICK. i only have 3 days left plus i still have some assignments to finish, so i really do have to wrap this up.

Please review. I don't mind flames and criticism. You can be as open minded as you want :D


	6. Chaspter 6

A/N: hustle! hustle! hustle! 20 minutes before parents come home!!

----------------

Chaspter 6

The poorly lit hallway was dead quiet although each of their hearts were threatening to leap out of their chests.

"Coffee, Colonel Mustang?" Falman approached, bringing him a cup of coffee

"Thanks" he took the cup and took a sip of it.

Hawkeye was inside, having a C-section. (A/N: i cringed when i wrote this)

She was know for her strong resistance, but she was in grave danger of heart failure. A body can only handle so much.

"Colonel" Havoc spoke up, noticing that Roy, who was seated on the floor with his back against the wall, was awfully quiet. "Are...Are you okay?"

"Sure"

"We...We found out by the way"

"I know"

"You know?"

"I can see and understand the expressions you've all been giving" Roy faced him with a cold expression on his face.

"G-Gomen ne..."

Mustang sighed.

---Flashback

_His hand was cold, but he felt someone's hand warm it._

_"Sir, i see you're all right, sir" came a soft whisper_

_"Hai" he slowly opened his eyes to see a worried face looking down at him_

_"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asked her_

_"I heard you came in," she sighed. "You didn't have to sacrifice yourself to be the hero of this thing"_

_"Ne, I only did what was expected of me as a Colonel and as an alchemist" he smiled. _

_"You fool" he felt a slap on his face. "You could have died"_

_"You could have, too" Roy told her. "Why didn't you say anything?"_

_"Don't change the subject on me"_

_"Riza..."_

_"The orders were decided and given, and once they are given, they should me carried out without any complaints"_

_"Stop being the perfect soldier for once, will you"_

_"I...guess I couldn' say anything"_

_"And you call me a fool"_

_"My deepest apologies, sir"_

_"Why the hell are you apologizing now?"_

_"For refferening to you, A colonel, my superior, in a disrespectful and ----"_

_"Oh please, they sent you as a commander in a freakin' rebellion pregnant, and you didn't have to protest. And stop calling me 'sir' when we're off duty"_

_"Roy"_

_"Yeah?"_

_She didn't respong. _

_Roy looked up to see her crying. She turned her head away so he wouldn;t see her but nevertheless, she was crying. _

_Riza Hawkeye ---- was crying?_

_The tough 1st Lieutenant, known for her excellent aim and agility, strategic skills and the ability to work with anything regardless of size and still look tough doing it --- had reduced herself to tears. _

_Hawkeye was expecting some sarcastic comment from him about her crying, but instead, he felt the back of her hand wipe her tears away. _

_Roy smiled. _

_"What?" Riza hissed._

_"You look so much more beautiful than that mask you would wear each day"_

--------------------------

(A/N: Shit! 13 minutes!)

"So" Havoc began, trying to break the awkward silence. "When did you two ---"

"Havoc" Roy interrupted him

"Hai?"

"Shut up"

"Right away, sir"

A nurse came out. "You can see her now"

Everyone ---- Breda, falman, Havoc, Fuery, Ross, Brosh ---- stood up. This excluded Roy, as you can see.

"Uh, Colonel"

"Roy"

"Right, Roy" Fuery stuttered, forgetting that they were all off - duty.

"Wouldn't you like to see the Lieutenant?"

"No" Roy answered, not getting up from his precious position. "I'll see her later on"

"Okay, then" Fuery answered, a little confused. He walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

Roy sat there, alone with his thoughts. He had no problem in ensuring his child a future, but he was going to be with Hawkeye.

Riza Hawkeye.

That faithful and ever loyal subordinate of his who stayed by him for years, turning down all offers for any promotion. But he always thought of her as more than a subordinate, he was sure of that.

Even he had to admit, that night was definitely not a night of lust.

He held her in her arms and knew that she belonged there.

But despite these emotions, he was still her superior and she was still his subordinate --- with love greatly confined by military laws.

If he would walk into that room --- well, --- he wouldn't know what to expect, really.

It was a different responsibility now-- one that he couldn't just hide in his locker or neglect.

And he had it with the woman he always loved.

Love.

Was that it?

He couldn't be sure at the moment.

It was such a complicated emotion.

But he knew that right now, his own confusion didn't matter. He stood up to check and see how she was doing. Everybody was huddled together around the two small cradles that bore his children.

A girl and a boy. (yeah, twins, not my decision. A friend insisted on it)

Roy walked over to Hawkeye who seemed to be staring blankly at the ceiling.

The other officers could take a hint. They all rushed out of the room, much to Roy's annoyance.

"Hoy" Roy positioned himself beside her bed.

She looked at him, quite pale.

"You okay?"

"Ya think?"

"I guess not, then"

Pause.

"Do you really?" Hawkeye asked him, her gaze fixed on the ceiling.

"Do i what?"

"Do you love me?"

Colonel Mustang froze. Was she seriously asking that now.

"That night, it's what i said to you. But you didn't say it back. So do you?"

"I.." Roy stuttered.

Hawkeye gave a small snicker and seemed to shrug it off. "Nah, it's okay"

"But i do"

"What?"

"I do"

"You...do?"

"I _love _you"

"D-do you really mean it?"

"Of course i do"

"Th-then why didn't you say it then?"

"I was as confused as you are"

Hawkeye sighed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Roy asked, noticing that her eyes were once again starting to well up with tears.

"I'm fine" she said in a soft tone of voice, in a barely audible whisper.

"You have to hold on" Roy told her. "They're your children, and what about your dreams? ambitions?"

"This is my dream, Roy" The sound of her calling him by his first name somehow made her feel uneasy, but somehow his presence made her feel comfortable. "You said you love me, and that's all i needed to know"

She laid her head back down and slowly closed her eyes.

"R-Riza?"

No response.

Chaos ensued as the heart monitor went flatline.

---------------------

4 years later

---------------------

"Do you think the General's okay?" 1st Lieutenant Havoc asked Sergeant Fuery and Brosh, who were both with him in the Colonel's car.

"It _is _his children's birthday, and at the same time her death anniversary. It's surprising how he could be so upbeat with his children when it was the day she died" Fuery sighed, looking out the window, seeing the Colonel and his two children making their way to her grave.

They thought that it would be best if they let him go alone.

"Ryou, Renai" Roy called the two children who were starting to push each other. (Again, names are not my decision. They're Japanese names, though)

"Hai" Renai, a raven haired girl, looked up to see her father's strict face. Ryou, a brunette, trailed behind his older twin.

"Behave. We're going to see your mother"

"Okasan?" Ryou asked.

"Bear in mind that if she could see you right now, she'd hold you at gunpoint"

"Okasan wouldn't do that"

"She did it to me all the time"

"But you're reckless, Otosan"

Renai shoved Ryou for saying that. Her amber eyes showing everyone that she was Riza Hawkeye's daughter.

"And you both inherited it" Roy scolded them.

"Renai- san, what're we supposed to tell her, anyway?"

"We turn four today" Renai shrugged, being not much of a talker. It was apparent that she was respectful and answered when she needed to , but she was still as reckless as her father was.

"She died today, four years ago, didn't she, Otosan?" Ryou asked.

"Hai" Roy answered, stopping in front of a grave which bore the name "Riza Hawkeye".

"O-Okasan?" Renai knelt down, in front of her mother's grave.

"Was she a good person, Otosan?".

"Yeah" Roy answered, remembering those brright amber eyes and blonde hair.

"She was a good person"

He knelt down beside his children and then started to tell them the stories of the 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, the best sharpshooter in military history and commander in war, their mother who fell for her superior and bravely went against the laws of fraternization.

----------------------------------

I'm running out of time.

I'm not sure how i did.

Please review.

This is my first FMA fic, by the way. It's Jan 3 tomorrow and i have to go to school tomorrow. Darn. I probably won't be able to go back here 'till march, when the last periodical examinations are over.

It's the last quarter so i have to study hard or it's my ass.

Shineh-sama, i'll take care of you tomorrow, when i see you in school (cracks knuckles)

I'm still in a rush, so thanks for reading and reviewing!

-------------------

A/N: It's Jan 4 here. I placed a few more things here and there since i had an extra five minutes.


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